Posts Tagged: Women

Relationships — No Comments
4
Nov 09

My Ex and I Go Shopping at Lakeside

…by shopping, I mean she shopped and I watched. However, the fact that we got along for a few hours was pleasant to say the least. We were also joined by the ex’s two year old daughter, Lilly, who I adore. Anyway, I used to like shopping for two reasons, the first being that I’m quite stylish (if I say so myself) and enjoy spending money on nice clothes and the second being the inevitable procession of the hottest women in the town, dolled up like its Friday night, all of which a perfect distraction for hundreds of bored husbands and boyfriends dragged around by their partners on any given day.

Obviously, the Ex cannot know I’m letching at said hot women and I get the impression every man in the shopping centre is thinking the same thing. The Ex is looking particularly nice today and I regret coming out because her looking nice is a recipe for disaster. Lilly, on the other hand is delightful, horrible, funny, moody, tired, spoilt, delightful, and funny again all afternoon as every two year old should be. She refuses to do anything mummy or Michael asks her to do but has a thoroughly good time.

I blame my non commitment phobia on Shopping centres, I may even sue. For all these hot women walking about the place isn’t healthy for any relationship, especially any relationship I am in! It’s like anything else, you have what you have and then you see what someone else has got and you want some of that also. Usually people feel this emotion towards inanimate objects but very many people also feel this towards people and relationships. The only way of combating it is genuinely being with someone you feel you belong with and, unfortunately, my Ex probably isn’t that person.  In fact, its nigh on impossible to ever find anyone suitable and I should know.  Whereas most people could probably have a happy relationship with one in ten of the opposite sex, even claiming them to be ‘the one’, when they’re actually ‘the one million’! People like me can only make a relationship work with one in a hundred women because we’re so damn fussy.

Anyway, I can’t think where I’m going with this so I’m going to stop writing and get ready to go round to the Ex’s….why do I do this to myself?

Michael

Relationships — No Comments
30
Oct 09

My Ex Girlfriend Takes Me To Dinner…

My ex and I have had a very turbulent relationship. It hasn’t been helped by a number of factors, namely, her anger management problems and my commitment phobia, combined with our self esteem issues as a result of me not having any income and her not having me at her beck and call. I get the distinct impression that she relishes any opportunity to see me these days though, much like a cat stalking a mouse that will very soon be homeless, thus will have nowhere to hide.

Now she invited me to dinner and offered to pay in advance. I am a modern man and accepted her proposal as long as she took me somewhere nice and she doesn’t drag up the past. Anyway, we arrive in the area of the recommended restaurant to find it doesn’t f*ucking exist. My idiot mate, Len, who has a tendency to get things completely wrong on a painfully regular basis, has given me the wrong restaurant name. I find a couple of Thai/Asian people walking aimlessly about the place and ask them where this restaurant might be. They know immediately and send us straight to it, either that or they’ve just sent us straight to their f*ucking restaurant. They even had the cheek to tell me how and where to cross the road to avoid getting hit by a car and I’m left wondering whether I’ve over done it with the fake tan.

Anyway, we sit down and the past becomes the present within 5 f*ucking minutes. We spend the evening at each other’s throats, only pausing to order, chew, drink and pay.

You see, she has taken me out for two reasons. Firstly, she still fancies me and would quite like some physical attention. Secondly, she’s paying for the meal so she can say and do what the hell she likes, including spending the evening character assassinating the idiot sat in front of her. It occurs to me that I’ve become a prostitute for the evening albeit without knowing it initially. I’m sure the same thought crossed her mind much f*ucking earlier than it did mine. However, being a man it really doesn’t bother me and I’m quite happy with the arrangement, except next time I’d rather do it with someone that hasn’t got quite so much shit on me!

Michael