My ex and I have had a very turbulent relationship. It hasn’t been helped by a number of factors, namely, her anger management problems and my commitment phobia, combined with our self esteem issues as a result of me not having any income and her not having me at her beck and call. I get the distinct impression that she relishes any opportunity to see me these days though, much like a cat stalking a mouse that will very soon be homeless, thus will have nowhere to hide.
Now she invited me to dinner and offered to pay in advance. I am a modern man and accepted her proposal as long as she took me somewhere nice and she doesn’t drag up the past. Anyway, we arrive in the area of the recommended restaurant to find it doesn’t f*ucking exist. My idiot mate, Len, who has a tendency to get things completely wrong on a painfully regular basis, has given me the wrong restaurant name. I find a couple of Thai/Asian people walking aimlessly about the place and ask them where this restaurant might be. They know immediately and send us straight to it, either that or they’ve just sent us straight to their f*ucking restaurant. They even had the cheek to tell me how and where to cross the road to avoid getting hit by a car and I’m left wondering whether I’ve over done it with the fake tan.
Anyway, we sit down and the past becomes the present within 5 f*ucking minutes. We spend the evening at each other’s throats, only pausing to order, chew, drink and pay.
You see, she has taken me out for two reasons. Firstly, she still fancies me and would quite like some physical attention. Secondly, she’s paying for the meal so she can say and do what the hell she likes, including spending the evening character assassinating the idiot sat in front of her. It occurs to me that I’ve become a prostitute for the evening albeit without knowing it initially. I’m sure the same thought crossed her mind much f*ucking earlier than it did mine. However, being a man it really doesn’t bother me and I’m quite happy with the arrangement, except next time I’d rather do it with someone that hasn’t got quite so much shit on me!
Michael